Hope, Fear and all the Wine in Between

So let’s cut to the chase: I’m having some health issues. I’m scared, John’s scared, but we’re trying our best to stay positive.

The thing I’m struggling with the most is how best to stay positive. Do I pretend that this isn’t going on? Do I just focus on the most happy things in my life and try whenever possible to not dwell on the not-so-awesome? Or do I promise myself that this is just another thing that I’m going to kick major ass at and beat?

The truth is that I’m generally a pretty positive person. I don’t typically let the criticisms or negativity of other people or things bring me down. I’m happy with who I am and the life that I lead, so typically, there’s nothing for me to be sad or upset about.

My biggest enemy is my own imagination, because there are times I find myself spiraling into a private war-zone in my head.

This weekend was a rollercoaster. I cried for a few hours in my office at work, then headed straight to the wedding rehearsal dinner for one of my college roommates. There was wine, and let me tell you, wine is my favorite type of medicine. I snapped out of feeling sorry for myself, and got back into “Happy Ashley” mode. I spent Saturday doing bridesmaid-duties to one of the most gorgeous princess-brides ever and danced the night away with John.

Husband, wine, wedding and music = amazing mood boosters.

Sunday rolled around and the enormity of what is going on started to creep back. I’m not going to lie, I spent a good portion of the day crying again. John stayed my rock, cradling me and telling me over and over again that it is going to be okay.

The comforting thing is that with him by my side I truly feel like it will be okay. That as a pair, we will get through anything. I feel blessed to have him in my life, because without him I’m not quite sure I’d get through this. It’s situations like this that the magnitude of our vows really becomes clear to me. For better or worse and in sickness and health we are a match. What God had joined, no man (or fear) must separate.

Love is a powerful, magical feeling. No matter how dark the days are, I can always find hope.

So today is another day to keep on trucking. I feeling a lot better (and even better after writing this post). Man, the glory of writing down your feelings. At least I know that I can put my fingers to work and it should (hopefully) help me feel a little better. Then again there is also my other go-to cure: wine. And lots of it.

Obviously feel free to bring me some.


9 thoughts on “Hope, Fear and all the Wine in Between

  1. I hate to hear this, and I hope everything is okay πŸ™‚ I can relate to you as in my biggest enemy is my imagination. I had a health ‘hiccup’ a few weeks back. In my mind, I made it wayyyy worse than what it was, and therefore, I suffered several days by just torturing myself. After a good week moping around, I decided that God made me for more than this. I’m not made to spend my life worrying about things I can’t control. Prayers for you, friend! I hope this is just a ‘hiccup’ for you as well πŸ™‚

  2. Pingback: Thankfully Friday « Lewis in Love

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